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HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION FROM CHURCH LEADERS

Finally, consider if God is creating a new sphere of influence for you to use your gift. If the door is closed on the inside, the heavens are open outside.

When you can’t stay where you are, you need to move.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN GOD SEES YOU Reading HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION FROM CHURCH LEADERS 10 minutes Next 5 WAYS MY DAD TAUGHT ME ABOUT MY FATHER

Death and taxes may be certain, but so is rejection. Rejection is part of the human experience.

No matter who rejects you, it’s painful, and it hurts.

It seems to hurt more when the rejection comes from another believer, but worst of all, it is most painful when you are rejected by those who have authority over you.

So then, if rejection is to be expected, what should be your response?

(For the full message, watch the video. If you want the synopsis, read on…)

Not Approved

For several years I attended a church that appreciated worship flags during the service.

One of the reasons I was attracted to the church was because of the freedom to use and explore worship flags.

I created Catch the Fire Worship Flags while I was part of that church family, and the business changed from being a small cottage industry venture into a growing company.

I was invited to start and lead a worship flagging dance team at my son’s school, and I received many invitations to teach and train others to use worship flags locally, and around the world.

Then one Sunday during worship, I felt the familiar stirring in my spirit to express worship with colors and movement and I went to where the worship flags were usually kept. I had supplied many of the worship flags that the church used.

I didn’t see the basket of worship flags so I asked one of the elders (we’ll call her River) where the church worship flags were stored.

That’s when I found out, a new policy had been made that only “approved” flaggers would be allowed to dance with the worship flags at church.

I waited a moment, expecting her to tell me I was one of the approved flaggers (I mean, obviously, because look at my credentials.) It didn’t happen. I was not approved. I had been rejected.

I was shocked, surprised, and hurt.

I was really, really hurt.

Many thoughts went through my head, but the most dominant thoughts were, “Doesn’t River know who I am? “ and “Doesn’t she know I’ve been called and anointed by God to be a forerunner in the worship arts movement?

via GIPHY

Looking for Answers

I struggled with it for weeks and months. I had a lot of questions.

I was too wounded to confront River directly because I would have either sounded aggressively entitled, or emotional and whiney. I didn’t want to be either of those, so I kept silent.

I also didn’t talk to others about it, because I was wounded and I would have consciously (or unconsciously) attempted to build a tribe of supporters for myself, which would have caused division and animosity within the church family.

I still needed answers and I need to take my wounded feeling somewhere. What was I supposed to do? Where could I get answers?

I turned to the only other option I had… I talked to the Lord about it.

He wasn’t going to be put-off by my whining, and my self -justification wouldn’t discolor his thoughts about River. He loved us both and his thoughts and plans for each of us is eternally good.

Laying It Down

The first thing God told me was my identity was not in the gift.

I’ve heard it before. I’ve said it to others before. This time, though, I needed to let it sink in and take root in myself.

My identity was not in my gift, and it was not in my call.

I worshipped God because He is God, and worthy of every ounce of my expression to him, and not because of the accolades or the opportunities the gift offered me.

Whether I was ‘approved’ to worship with worship flags in the church, did not undermine who God made me to be, or what his purpose was for me.

I could, and would, worship him whenever and wherever I wanted because worship – the act of giving honor and glory to God – is a lifestyle and not an event.

At church, when there too many flagging worshippers than the space allowed, I always defered to others. Am I less of a worshipper? No, of course not. If Christ did it, should I not follow his example?

And consider the example that Jesus, the Anointed One, has set before us. Let his mindset become your motivation. He existed in the form of God, yet he gave no thought to seizing equality with God as his supreme prize. Instead he emptied himself of his outward glory by reducing himself to the form of a lowly servant. He became human!

Next, God asked me to let go of bitterness I held for River. It was much more difficult. I was holding onto the bitterness like it was my right.

God always knows better than we, doesn’t he? He patiently talked with me about my prideful attitude.

I was considering myself a Christian martyr for being rejected because of Christ, but when I cast myself as a victim then I was creating a ‘me and others’ situation which only leads to division and separation.

He lovingly corrected my error. I was not rejected because of Christ, because both River and I were passionately living in the full revelation that we each possessed.

She wasn’t opposed to worship flags, and she wasn’t opposed to me.

We were both ‘in Christ’, and therefore I could not whine that I was rejected and despised because of Christ.

Instead, God showed me the value of

1 Peter 4:8, “Above all, constantly echo God’s intense love for one another, for love will be a canopy over a multitude of sins.

If she had sinned against me by rejecting me, then I could still love her intensely because love will act as a canopy, or a covering for all kinds of sin or grievances we have towards others. The relationship with people always comes before the gift.

All of a sudden (after several months), I was free from my bitterness, and self righteousness.

It was easy for me to lay down my worship flags in the church. I still worshipped with flags, but I did it outside. I was still operating in my gift in all the other open opportunities but I could let go of my entitlement to flag at church.

Consider this.

God has called you, he’s anointed you, and he’s given you a gift. His favor is on you, so why isn’t it happening for you yet?

The answer is, you, me, we all have to grow in favor with people too.

You may be held back because people around us also need to understand how your unique calling and gift fit into their organized world.

If you try to force change, it will drive a wall, and a division. Trust God to be your press release that will prepare the way for your calling.

As Jesus grew, so did his wisdom and maturity. The favor of men increased upon his life, for he was loved greatly by God. Luke 2:52 

I wasn’t rejected because my gift wasn’t understood; my church loved worship flags.

Many others who are breaking up hard ground, especially in the worship arts area, it may take a lot of time and patiently bringing awareness so the leaders and congregation feel comfortable with something new.

Even so, I still required favor from River, and the other elders and leaders in the church. God worked it out, and in the process, I gained even more favor than ever before.

About a year later, I met with the lead pastors; we discussed the issue of being rejected as an ‘approved’ flagging worshipper. They weren’t even aware that I was not given freedom to use worship flags (remember, I hadn’t confronted River, or talked to anyone else about it).

Immediately, they acknowledged the gift and call on my life to lead worship with flags; and they were impressed (giving me favor) that I was willing to lay down my flags and honor the River’s decision. They assured me that I was approved.

I appreciated their affirmation but I said because I had been explicitly told by River that I was not approved, she would also have to officially invite me back into the band of approved flaggers.

The next Sunday, I was at the back, worshipping with my arms wide, eyes closed and lost in my gratitude and wonder of God. I felt someone place an object in my open hands. I opened my eyes and looked to see who and what it was.

River was in front of me, and she had just placed a pair of flags in my hand. Rejection had been broken.

The best part is that the pastors had not talked with River about it. It was God who prompted her, and made things right.

New Territory

Finally, consider if God is creating a new sphere of influence for you to use your gift. If the door is closed on the inside, the heavens are open outside.

When you can’t stay where you are, you need to move.

If David was not banished from Saul’s court, he never would have developed and trained the band of mighty men who fought with him, and later for his army when he became king in place of Saul.

If the early church wasn’t persecuted, the gospel wouldn’t have spread so far and so quickly.

If the actions of Saul (turned Paul) hadn’t have made the new Jewish believers fearful to include him in their churches, he might never have been directed to preach the gospel to Gentiles.

Your Turn

We are all rejected by our leaders, or peers. I wish it wasn’t part of the human experience but it is.

Dear one, there is one who never rejects you, and His name is Jesus. We don’t have to pretend it doesn’t hurt, or be afraid to whine and complain to him. He loves to listen to us, because he understands it all. He was rejected. He was hurt, wounded and exhausted from the turmoil of it all.

When (not if) you are rejected, run to him. He will heal your heart, and he will direct your steps.

One of the ways, I cope with pain and rejection is to lose sight of my problems and focus on Jesus through worshipping him.

My situation will not change in 30 minutes but my perspective definitely does. The worship flags I always pick up when my heart hurts the most are Beautiful Offering.

They are my costly offering that is poured out at his feet. I bring my hopes that have been hurt, break open the alabaster jar and pour the perfume of my dance over him.

When you’ve been hurt, which worship flags do you pick up to lose yourself in his glorious presence?

8 comments

Katie

Katie

Replace the words ‘flag’ &/or ‘piano’ with ‘violin’ & you have my story. I’m a pretty decent violinist who plays in a large orchestra during the week; so I know I don’t totally suck. I have also played on the worship team at my church & everyone says they appreciate it but time & time again, I am overlooked by leadership when there are special services or other worship opportunities. I also try and contribute in other ways. I Volunteer for everything & help anyone who needs it but still, I am overlooked for service positions. They never call on me but instead, call on my husband & do so consistently. When I asked why they invite him to serve so often but never call on me, they just say, ‘so sorry, we just overlooked you, perhaps next time’. I have ideas that I bring to them & those get completely pushed aside after they tell me what a great idea it is. I just don’t get it. I am a servant & servants want to serve but leadership shuts me down regularly. It’s painful. Especially so because it’s repetitive. I’m happy others are sharing their similar experiences. I feel so alone. There is no one I can talk to about this at church because everyone would see at gossip. How are we to function as a church body if we can’t talk about our struggles openly? I’m not looking to bash anyone, I just want to know why some are permitted/asked to serve but others, are not. I take it so personally. I just want to go home & hide….

Replace the words ‘flag’ &/or ‘piano’ with ‘violin’ & you have my story. I’m a pretty decent violinist who plays in a large orchestra during the week; so I know I don’t totally suck. I have also played on the worship team at my church & everyone says they appreciate it but time & time again, I am overlooked by leadership when there are special services or other worship opportunities. I also try and contribute in other ways. I Volunteer for everything & help anyone who needs it but still, I am overlooked for service positions. They never call on me but instead, call on my husband & do so consistently. When I asked why they invite him to serve so often but never call on me, they just say, ‘so sorry, we just overlooked you, perhaps next time’. I have ideas that I bring to them & those get completely pushed aside after they tell me what a great idea it is. I just don’t get it. I am a servant & servants want to serve but leadership shuts me down regularly. It’s painful. Especially so because it’s repetitive. I’m happy others are sharing their similar experiences. I feel so alone. There is no one I can talk to about this at church because everyone would see at gossip. How are we to function as a church body if we can’t talk about our struggles openly? I’m not looking to bash anyone, I just want to know why some are permitted/asked to serve but others, are not. I take it so personally. I just want to go home & hide….

Jennifer

Jennifer

Rejection from church leaders is something no one should EVER have to endure. Church is the one place you should be able to feel safe, loved, and welcomed. When a religious leader steps out of bounds they not only hurt a person emotionally but they hurt them spiritually and dishonor God and give him a bad name. They should be punished severely, like with prison time, when they do things like this but it seems people are happy to let them off the hook so they can make money on books and web pages designed to placate the victims of these monsters. Its time someone stood against this in the name of Jesus instead of letting people get away with abuse in ALL its forms using the name of Jesus as a cover for sinful behavior.

Rejection from church leaders is something no one should EVER have to endure. Church is the one place you should be able to feel safe, loved, and welcomed. When a religious leader steps out of bounds they not only hurt a person emotionally but they hurt them spiritually and dishonor God and give him a bad name. They should be punished severely, like with prison time, when they do things like this but it seems people are happy to let them off the hook so they can make money on books and web pages designed to placate the victims of these monsters. Its time someone stood against this in the name of Jesus instead of letting people get away with abuse in ALL its forms using the name of Jesus as a cover for sinful behavior.

Sophy Mampane

Sophy Mampane

Hello i wanted to join the worship team in church,the leader asked me to sing any song i like,it seems they approved but during the week i received the message saying my offer has been declined.I was soo hurt because i know i can sing and i even compiled few songs on a CD even tthough i havent registered it yet.I dont know whether to leave church or what to do,because ive been praying to God that i want to serve Him,i have a great passion to sing for our God.Please help me what to do?

Hello i wanted to join the worship team in church,the leader asked me to sing any song i like,it seems they approved but during the week i received the message saying my offer has been declined.I was soo hurt because i know i can sing and i even compiled few songs on a CD even tthough i havent registered it yet.I dont know whether to leave church or what to do,because ive been praying to God that i want to serve Him,i have a great passion to sing for our God.Please help me what to do?

Jane

Jane

I came to this post on a Google search. I am grateful someone else has written about this as I am struggling with the attitudes of my church and church leaders, and I do need both healing and wisdom to deal with it.

I go to a very large church that has recently had a series of meetings regarding missions. Being a former missionary who once felt both a calling and anointing in interceding for the nations, I felt inspired by God after one of these meetings to suggest the church form an intercessory group to pray specifically for unreached people groups, which a recent visiting speaker had pointed out were the recipients of the least prayer, financial resources and missionary outreach.

I submitted this by email to the church pastors and was told I should speak to a guy who heads up their ‘nations’ sub-group. While he initially responded by saying it was important not to lose momentum on this, he has since asked me provide an outline of ‘my’ vision for such a meeting – I responded by saying it is God’s vision to reach the unreached, not mine, however I gave him some suggestions about how such a group could operate, which he would then submit to the church leaders.

He has since returned to say his nations group will have a meeting but indicated they would be unlikely to discuss it because they have too many other things on their agenda, so he said I would likely be disappointed if attending their meeting and dissuaded me from attending.

This is a very large church with quite a lot of money, some of which goes to support a handful of missionaries and a church plant in Nepal. It devotes a full hour every week to online meetings to pray for its Sunday meetings, but this guy indicated that it did not have time – maybe only five minutes, or perhaps at the end of another prayer meeting – to devote to praying for those two-thirds of the world where there is no witness for Jesus or gospel in their language.

So I am feeling quite dismayed by this response. I acted in obedience to the prompting of the Holy Spirit to share this burden, but their response makes me wonder if all the talk about mission was just that – talk – or whether it is simply because the suggestion came from me. I have tried to offer other areas of my gifting to serve this church before, but these have likewise been rejected by the leaders. I have since also joined another, smaller church that is very grateful for my contributions and at least does pray for nations and situations beyond itself; my husband thinks I should simply focus my efforts there and forget about this bigger church I have been part of for 20+ years. I know I have to be faithful to pray regardless, but I just would have liked to see a genuine response to the Great Commission from this larger church, instead of what feels like is a commitment to the Great Omission! It’s hard not to judge either but I don’t see the point of sponsoring people to preach about missions but then seemingly not caring enough to follow this up with prayer!

I came to this post on a Google search. I am grateful someone else has written about this as I am struggling with the attitudes of my church and church leaders, and I do need both healing and wisdom to deal with it.

I go to a very large church that has recently had a series of meetings regarding missions. Being a former missionary who once felt both a calling and anointing in interceding for the nations, I felt inspired by God after one of these meetings to suggest the church form an intercessory group to pray specifically for unreached people groups, which a recent visiting speaker had pointed out were the recipients of the least prayer, financial resources and missionary outreach.

I submitted this by email to the church pastors and was told I should speak to a guy who heads up their ‘nations’ sub-group. While he initially responded by saying it was important not to lose momentum on this, he has since asked me provide an outline of ‘my’ vision for such a meeting – I responded by saying it is God’s vision to reach the unreached, not mine, however I gave him some suggestions about how such a group could operate, which he would then submit to the church leaders.

He has since returned to say his nations group will have a meeting but indicated they would be unlikely to discuss it because they have too many other things on their agenda, so he said I would likely be disappointed if attending their meeting and dissuaded me from attending.

This is a very large church with quite a lot of money, some of which goes to support a handful of missionaries and a church plant in Nepal. It devotes a full hour every week to online meetings to pray for its Sunday meetings, but this guy indicated that it did not have time – maybe only five minutes, or perhaps at the end of another prayer meeting – to devote to praying for those two-thirds of the world where there is no witness for Jesus or gospel in their language.

So I am feeling quite dismayed by this response. I acted in obedience to the prompting of the Holy Spirit to share this burden, but their response makes me wonder if all the talk about mission was just that – talk – or whether it is simply because the suggestion came from me. I have tried to offer other areas of my gifting to serve this church before, but these have likewise been rejected by the leaders. I have since also joined another, smaller church that is very grateful for my contributions and at least does pray for nations and situations beyond itself; my husband thinks I should simply focus my efforts there and forget about this bigger church I have been part of for 20+ years. I know I have to be faithful to pray regardless, but I just would have liked to see a genuine response to the Great Commission from this larger church, instead of what feels like is a commitment to the Great Omission! It’s hard not to judge either but I don’t see the point of sponsoring people to preach about missions but then seemingly not caring enough to follow this up with prayer!

Feeling Rejected

Feeling Rejected

I counseled at a crisis pregnancy center (pro-life clinic) and was very effective at it. Now my church is opening a ministry for unplanned pregnancies and apparently it’s been in the works for a while. The pastor made the announcement two weeks ago. They all know that was the ministry God called me to (I was on staff there but started out as an unpaid volunteer) and yet they never even mentioned it to me. I want to offer to help but it was done so quietly without any input from me, or even a mention, that I keep thinking they’ll reject me if I say anything and that would be worse. I’m a greeter at church, despite being an introvert. At the clinic I was anointed for the position I had and it came so easily to me. I loved it and was always the first one there every morning although I lived farther away than most of my coworkers. My co-counselors and I had hundreds of women change their mind about having an abortion over the years, choosing instead to have their baby, or place them for adoption. A large percentage heard the gospel and got saved through our ministry. It was surprising to see how many women came in under the impression we were counseling FOR abortion, even though we made our intentions clear in advertising that we were not that. It was obvious God was leading them to us. We offered practical help, as well as some free services, and spiritual help…. Now with this, what feels like a slap in the face, I feel rejected and pushed aside. It feels like many people knew about it long before I did but no one said anything. I don’t have to be the head of anything; I just want to be a part of it…Of course I know it’s NOT about me, it’s about the women. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

I counseled at a crisis pregnancy center (pro-life clinic) and was very effective at it. Now my church is opening a ministry for unplanned pregnancies and apparently it’s been in the works for a while. The pastor made the announcement two weeks ago. They all know that was the ministry God called me to (I was on staff there but started out as an unpaid volunteer) and yet they never even mentioned it to me. I want to offer to help but it was done so quietly without any input from me, or even a mention, that I keep thinking they’ll reject me if I say anything and that would be worse. I’m a greeter at church, despite being an introvert. At the clinic I was anointed for the position I had and it came so easily to me. I loved it and was always the first one there every morning although I lived farther away than most of my coworkers. My co-counselors and I had hundreds of women change their mind about having an abortion over the years, choosing instead to have their baby, or place them for adoption. A large percentage heard the gospel and got saved through our ministry. It was surprising to see how many women came in under the impression we were counseling FOR abortion, even though we made our intentions clear in advertising that we were not that. It was obvious God was leading them to us. We offered practical help, as well as some free services, and spiritual help…. Now with this, what feels like a slap in the face, I feel rejected and pushed aside. It feels like many people knew about it long before I did but no one said anything. I don’t have to be the head of anything; I just want to be a part of it…Of course I know it’s NOT about me, it’s about the women. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

Chandrika

Chandrika

Thank you for sharing. I relate a lot you. My calling is very easily misunderstood art word prayer . Yes it doesn’t fit into the traditional structure. Two gospel art exhibitions and book later , I am.loking to God to connect me with the people to do the outreaches..yes we need favour from man . I agree . I believe as I heal and focus on love prayer and the word by his grace and favour acceptance . acknowledgement will come .

Thank you for sharing. I relate a lot you. My calling is very easily misunderstood art word prayer . Yes it doesn’t fit into the traditional structure. Two gospel art exhibitions and book later , I am.loking to God to connect me with the people to do the outreaches..yes we need favour from man . I agree . I believe as I heal and focus on love prayer and the word by his grace and favour acceptance . acknowledgement will come .

Katie

Katie

Thank you. I replaced the word “flag” for “piano” and it fit my situation beautifully. I came to this conclusion yesterday, but still felt really hurt and rejected today at church. I choose to focus on finding my happiness in God’s love and not in my getting playing the piano for church services. I can still worship God through my piano playing at home with the gorgeous piano God gifted to me. My husband confronted our pastor but it only made the situation worse—gaslighting and more rejection from the person in charge. It just really helped to know someone else out there has walked this valley before me. Your wisdom is appreciated.

Thank you. I replaced the word “flag” for “piano” and it fit my situation beautifully. I came to this conclusion yesterday, but still felt really hurt and rejected today at church. I choose to focus on finding my happiness in God’s love and not in my getting playing the piano for church services. I can still worship God through my piano playing at home with the gorgeous piano God gifted to me. My husband confronted our pastor but it only made the situation worse—gaslighting and more rejection from the person in charge. It just really helped to know someone else out there has walked this valley before me. Your wisdom is appreciated.

Nosi

Nosi

Thank you foe sharing your experience with the whole this has motivated and will help me in dealing with rejection that I am under. Your experience is similar to my one and will continue talking to God about it.

Thank you foe sharing your experience with the whole this has motivated and will help me in dealing with rejection that I am under. Your experience is similar to my one and will continue talking to God about it.

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